There will be performances at the launch by:

• Sara Lilly

http://www.myspace.com/saralillyuk

• Kayzon Kays

http://www.myspace.com/saralillyuk

• Trixta

http://www.myspace.com/trixtrix

www.trixta.net

• Sugaspott

http://www.facebook.com/sugaspott

http://www.myspace.com/sugaspott

www.sugaspott.co.uk

• Lady V:

http://www.facebook.com/laydeev

http://soundcloud.com/verunka17

I feel happy, positive, motivation and so on top of things at moment, it’s an amazing feeling. Things are moving forward now, at a pace that doesn’t feel too fast or like I’m under pressure. It’s an amazing happy feeling, helped, I know by having the flexibility to work in my garden in the sunshine. I feel so very motivated at the moment. I have started learning the languages for the countries that our projects will be taking place in. Details of these will be revealed at the launch on 16th July.
We’re moving nicely towards the launch, the running order, will be posted here very soon, I’m just making sure I’m happy with everything before that happens.
I’m very excited about it and loving working on it, the whole loving team is totally motivated and working their butts off. Their details will be on the website soon too, so you’ll be able to see who their amazing people are that believe in the vision behind NB:EE CIC – which I have decided will be referred to as Ethical Experiences, unless otherwise necessary.
But to explain the nikkibrooker element here would be a shame as all of this is part of your experience at the launch. The launch is your taster of what’s to come, designed for everyone who attends to have a positive and unique experience.
To make sure you book seats by going to www.nikkibrooker.com/experiences. All those who do will receive updates.

Looking forward to seeing you on 16th July in Deptford.

I’ve got to the content, happy, lively, energetic, motivated, smiley phase now I think, and just going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts, I love experiencing this feeling and feeling in touch with people, its now a pleasure to go out, I’m sure that the sun has had a lot to do with it, but I feel like even the rain feels good. My senses feel like they are on overdrive with happy feelings. I’ve done the crying because I’m so happy I cant contain it. I like these happy cry’s, I don’t like the fact that it makes people uncomfortable and feel sad for me, I like the way it makes me feel.

The last 12 months have been an amazing, the people I’ve met the way things have changed, my life has stopped feeling it its out of control, experiencing this has been a pleasant journey, even the low days, the angry days, the days it is a battle with my body and mind to do anything, even think and feel. But there’s something there now at the back of it a understanding, acceptance that its going to happy, and try to enjoy experiencing it, and the things that happen during those periods.

I was watching the World Music Awards on Friday night, and a little disappointed with the lack of World Music promoted or performed, the show was Western, if not essentially for music performed in English.

I have sent them an email, and will be very interested to see what their justification is to this, as I feel like its a shame that we are encouraged by the media to be ignorant of other cultures popular culture. It should not be an effort for us to have this information.

The email is as follows:

‘Dear Sir/Madam,

I was wondering why the show on Friday night didn’t show the nominations for some categories i.e Africa, and did for others? I was thinking that it was a little unfair considering it was the World Music Awards, we should have been able to see other cultures acts and not simply the stuff that record companies had already promoted to people here. Also with regard to corporate income, surely this is a prejudiced approach, as the ‘western’ artists are already getting PRS Royalties from a wide range of sources in the UK, surely it would be a more ethical approach to have given other cultures the opportunity to promote themselves to those watching, who after all are interested in World Music otherwise would not be watching.

We live in a multicultural society here, and we need to be introduced to pop culture from these cultures, in order to build understanding and reduce fear in communities of the other, these awards are in an influential position in society and should be a catalyst to social change for the mutual benefit of society rather than simply profit making organisations, as there are social implications to everything.’

Lets see what they have to say. I’ll be posting their response.

The response:

World Music Awards is a nn profit organization. This year an orphanage in Haiti will be built

And my reply:

Thank you for your speedy response its very much appreciated and I support your work in that case.

- which is great news! we need to know about these things more! After having a thinking about it, I replied the following, as I felt they hadn’t actually responded to my questions:

Although, as much as this is commendable, it doesn’t actually answer my questions regarding race and cultural issues connected with equality of opportunity. Please could you  let me know why artists from developing nations/non European/non American are not visible, represented, especially as you are a non profit organisation?

I really appreciate this information in relation to this as I think it is a really good dialogue to have.

Started the part of the of the cycle where I start to feel better, and bubbly. my fingers work better on the keyboard than last week, and overall my mood has improved.

I think that this is the best part of it, it’s before I get too hyper and now I’m motivated again. Smiling is not a battle between my mind and my body and not solely for the purpose of others.

I see great things ahead now. The rest of the week in my head is a bright yellow, sparkly, shiny, fresh and new.

On an aside note, for those of you that go through the same thing as me, Saturday it just got too much for me, my head was hurting and I felt like I just wanted to disappear from the work, end everything, but rather than fall deeper into that pit, I did something I had never done before – I called Sane, and getting things out really made a difference, even though I had been talking to people in my house and other friends for some reason speaking to someone there made things more bearable, my mood didn’t improve immediately but the depression lifted from utter despair. SO if you get to that point, I certainly would recommend calling them.

Sunday night my legs and arms started to really ache, I didn’t know why but all I wanted to do was stretch, and stretching wasn’t enough, it was helping. I had an uncomfortable nights sleep as a result waking up throughout the night due to the aching pains tightness in my body. Monday morning I was hyper, although I hadn’t yet realised it, rushing around all over the place, talking fast at the meeting I went to, getting angry and impatient with the traffic travelling from the meeting to the school.
Not realising that my brain was doing funny things and going at a hundred miles an hour I began a citizenship class on women’s rights, from the offset I should have identified that something was up. I felt like the girls were moving really slowly and everything was taking too long, I couldn’t get my words out properly and make what was in my head come out of my mouth. The girls got confused, my mouth was drying up and my jaw was trying to grind, sweat was poring from my face. That’s when I had a sudden realisation; I was entering a hyper period.
I mentioned bipolar, just to explain what was happening, to try to excuse my strange behaviour and to give me a minute to try to get myself together. The girls didn’t really know what I meant by being bipolar, and started asking me questions. It was at this point that I gave up the discussion on women’s rights and started taking questions on what bipolar is. Although only after I had had to remove my shoes, drunk some water and wiped my face. My mind was still racing, I struggled to even answer their questions concisely, thoughts were jumping all over the place, the room started to go blurry, I felt wobbly and I still needed to stretch.
The interest that the girls had in the bipolar was very refreshing, I forget that people don’t understand it or know much about it. At home we talk so openly about it, we don’t hid it and we support each other with all of the different moods, leaving the comfort of that environment for a school citizenship class it hadn’t occurred to me that I would need to explain it. I am glad that through talking about it the young people that were in that room are now better informed and I hope that if any of them are struggling with their mental health that they are able to take some comfort in what I said.
Being able to identify that I have slipped into this period of hyper manic activity, is something that has taken me a while to get to grips with, previously I would have fought it, struggling to hold my head together and construct sentences that made sense, battling my brain to stop it from jumping about. That wears you out though, and makes it drag on, as it takes all your energy and helps your brain to loose track of the difference between reality and thoughts, paranoia begins to take over and the negative thoughts start.

So what to do, having realised that I need to slow down what do I do, do I fight with my brain and keep going with the planned projects, sticking to my already planned time frames, or do I take a step back, previously I would have been determined to carrying on, to keep the plans as they are, not to admit that this has an effect on me. Now I wont, well not this time.

I know I have to reschedule things and slow down, which means a change of plans for the foreseeable future, and maybe if I can get into a slower routine I won’t in the future need to reschedule things. So what gives, that’s now got to be the question.
All of the projects that I am currently working on are things that I am passionate about otherwise I wouldn’t have my sights set on them, so how to decide what goes or gives for the time being. I have decided it has to be the Play Hard Play Fair events, cancelling the ones that are imminent, and focusing on the projects for the time being; also postponing the launch of Ethical Experiences and the projects, until July, giving me the time to get my head back to a reasonable speed. I hate having to do this, a part of my brain feels like I am letting myself down, that I am useless and I am demonstrating yet again that I cant do anything right, but the part of my head that is sensible knows this is the right thing to do for the time being. I just hope that you agree with me.

I’m having a great time at the moment with my moods. I really appreciate myself and the abilities I believe, which I should cherish. These qualities are labelled as bipolar, specifically Cyclothymia.

Cyclothymic Disorder is a chronic bipolar disorder consisting of short periods of mild depression and short periods of hypomania. These symptoms may last a few days or a number of weeks. The onset is separated by short periods of normal mood. Individuals with Cyclothymia are never totally free of symptoms – either depression or hypomania – for more than a number of months at a time.

I think we too often forget the positives of these mental health ‘issues’. As a society, we judging difference negatively. So what if I think in a different way to other people? If I sometimes react in an unusual manner and am occasionally inappropriate? Just don’t take me too seriously and respect my opinions, not only my actions.

Take care with how you receive this information and always be mindful of the mood that I am in. This is how you can help – you can learn to understand me, and not be lazy and judgemental.

The office of Nikki Brooker: Ethical Experiences is buzzing with excitement currently. So much to divulge, where to start?

First of all, we’ve just launched our new series of events ‘Play Hard Play Fair’ to be held every month from now until the end of summer. Think funky, arty and chilled-out space brimming with interesting people, live music, exhibitions, spoken word, film screenings, debates and game nights – all to coincide with UN Days of Peace. You’ll find more info on the ‘Experiences’ page and tickets are stupidly cheap if you book in advance there! So many exciting artists and performers already lined up (including an album launch and film premier) but if you are a charity, performer or artist and you would like to get involved, drop us a line. Come along, there will be nice cakes!

We’re also up and running on our Equitable Alternatives campaign and are forming partnerships left, right and centre. One of the team had a very successful meeting with the Nepalese Ambassador last week (concerning the recent changes of Tier 4 Student Visa regulations and the havoc this has caused many international students currently in the UK). Changes are afoot as is a possible trip to Nepal to see what can be done there to help prospective students. A petition is in the making, which will be ready to distribute next week. Updates as and when we have them!

I’ve just finished a very exciting piece of work with Livity – the youth-specialist communications agency – facilitating debates after a series of theatrical performances. I loved it. So many hard-hitting issues covered and I’m hoping to work with more creative young people in the near future.

I’m starting the process of developing a partnership with some very lovely people in Australia to run a huge event for World Mental Heath Day in September, down under. The first meeting with the different organisations is Friday 26th March so I’ll have more news for you then. Australia, watch out, I’m coming back ‘atcha.

More updates soon, keep your eyes peeled and before you go check your e-mail for the one hundredth time today, go buy yourself some tickets on the ‘Experiences’ page. Go on. You know you want to.

Sweating, shaking and smiling are all good ways of describing what part of the cycle of cyclomthymia that I’m in at the moment or Bipolar type 2 as the less informed would call it.
I’m just learning how to identify it, I knew I was starting to enter a hyper manic period on Thursday after sweating ridiculously all night and waking up feeling like I should be in some tropical country rather than London at this time of year, and happened to have a doctor’s appointment so mentioned that I thought this might be a sign and he confirmed it.
I was told to watch out for irrational thoughts, being argumentative, unable to have a rational discussion, rapid speech, rapid thoughts and poor concentration, inability to relax and sit still, overly flirty behaviour, forgetfulness and loads more. All of this I thought was normal up until a few months ago.
And although I know I’m in a hyper period and I can say it, it doesn’t mean that I feel any different or even remember that I am when I’m just doing what I’m doing, its only on reflection that I’m like oh yeah I’m hyper apparently, but I don’t feel different and its all a bit weird.
I know I’m supposed to be learning how to get it under control and all that jazz but what I don’t really understand is what’s my personality and what’s the bit I’m supposed to be aware of and have more control of and how? How am I supposed to have control over something, that only periodically during that period do I remember that that’s what is happening? This is all rather confusing!
And do I only feel like this because that is what the book and other people are telling me I feel like, as I’ve always felt this but its never been a big deal before, I’m alright most of the time, maybe I imagine the depression, maybe it doesn’t really happen and I’m not really hyper, I just think I am now cos other people have put the idea into my head. This is all very confusing now. When can I go back to being the person I was before all this extra thinking came into place, having to think before doing things to work out why I am doing things or trying to analyse them after to see where I went wrong, acted in the wrong way or did something weird and inappropriate. I never noticed before how i don’t stay on point to things at all, and how long time really is……

Everyone has an opinion on this, many people I come into contact with do not believe that there will ever be World Peace, why not? Even if not in our life time, is there any reason that we should not aspire to achieve this? What about peace within ourselves? Our families? Our communities?
Peace is more than just the end to wars, peace is about being comfortable with yourself, with others around you, being able to accept people for who they are and not judging yourself by them and not judging them by your standards, everyone is different and what works for you, might not work for them.
Peace is about accepting and understanding others, not being scared of the unknown, peace is about inter cultural communication and understanding in order not to be afraid of what might or might not happen.
Peace is the responsibility of everyone, it is surely up to us to create peace, whether that means, challenging negative behaviour in supermarkets or public transport, having difficult conversations to members of our families or putting pressure on governments to encourage peaceful resolutions to global issues.
Surely if we were able to look at the other person or peoples opinions and understand it there wouldn’t be this need for distrust and questioning? Surely if we challenge behaviour constructively then people will be able to learn that it is often our own actions that are creating conflict situations, we can all avoid many of these situations through our own behaviour if we wish to.
We choose to live in a culture of conflict and distrust, as we do not want to change, we are not prepared to learn and understand each other, we are not prepared to forgive mistakes and understand how these mistakes could have happened.
It’s all about perspective and tolerance.